Am I overworked? Maxed out? Streched to the limits? Do I lose track of everything if it's not pinned to my shirt? Do I worry compulsively over every little detail in my life? Yes.
I had a friend call me and say she was thinking of me and felt she needed to tell me that I need to lay off the guilt. How did she know I was feeling guilty? How did she know that I needed to hear just that? I don't ever see her, talk to her or visit with her. However, she is someone I look up to and admire. So, how is it that she knew I desperately needed to hear that? She says she just kept getting the feeling that she had to call me and see how I was doing. It's times like these that I know I have wandered too far from the Lord. When He has to call on others to tell me to slow down and relax then I know I have put my 'I'm not listening-sound cancelling-noise eliminating' earmuffs on.
I am a mother to four young, highly excitable and emotionally charged children. I work full time as a 2nd grade teacher. I am married to a man whose job forgets he has a family and keeps him until 7 o'clock nightly. My house is a wreck and would be destroyed if it were not for my Mother-in-law who keeps my kids and my house. I know she dreads Monday mornings...the mess we made over the weekend. Two of my brood play soccer and have practice and games every week. I failed to do my church calling in Cub Scouts and was released, finally. Then they thought it would be funny to call my husband and myself to teach 11 year old boys every Sunday. We said no thanks for the first time in our lives to a church calling. This was after they went ahead and called us during Sacrament meeting without getting a yes from me. We weren't even there that Sunday because the kids all had strep. We have been to maybe 6 meetings in the past 4 months due to illness and my husband being out of town a few times. It has been a terrible 4 months. We have spent over $1000 in medical co-pays alone so far this year. So, no...I do not want to have the added guilt of having to find a sub every other week because someone's sick or one of my kids decides not to go to class or my baby wants to yell and run in circles instead of sitting on my lap. I have been feeling incredible guilt over this for a while now. So when she called, it was like..."Wow! Someone out there does understand!!!!!"
Is it too much to ask for a little time every week to sit and enjoy 2 hours of little-boy-free time with other adults and just breathe? Just enjoy the Spirit? I'll be ready to serve again in a while. I just need to be served for now. Thank you for reading...love ya! Now I need to run and take care of my kids. See you in another month, hopefully.
10 comments:
I think I am the gummy on the end, laying down for a rest.
Oh how I love you and feel for you! I hope you have stopped feeling guilty now because clearly the Lord has told you not to.
Sometimes you just have to say the hell with it. Do what you want to do and stop worrying about the consequenses-just don't put them off for too long. I've got an idea. Let's clean each other's house for once. I've always found it easier to clean somewhere else instead. We can even keep our kids at our house and have the other person put up with them for the day. I know I would love a break from my kids. Oh, just the thought alone is relaxing.
Notice it's the pure white bear that gets knocked down. It looks like the purple one punched it too-must be one of the kids.
Actually, that's not a bad idea...except for the kids part. How about if I leave mine with Jerry and you take yours and leave the house for a few hours? Then I can spend the morning or afternoon there cleaning...deep cleaning. That would make me feel good and then knowing you would come over and do the same for me the next Saturday! Weird, I know. But I have always liked cleaning others houses...
Does anyone want to come clean mine?!
I hope everything gets better. Just remember that you keep giving from yourself without making some deposits.
Okay, Clarissa...that was too abstract for me!
You can come clean my house...my mother-in-law is coming into town in a few weeks. You know how much that will stress me out!!! Not seeing her, but knowing how I've let my house get out of order lately. Plus my father-in-law will be here too! Yay!!! I've never met him. Hopefully he's not as snoopy as she will be.
Oh, dear! Sounds like you've got an interesting few weeks in store for you! How fun to finally get to meet you father-in-law! We'll see about that house thing...
I'm with you sister! I think one of the biggest temptations we mothers have these days is being too busy, just like you said. We're too busy to help when we're needed, too busy to say a sincere prayer, too busy to read AND ponder the scriptures, too busy to sit and enjoy our kiddos! It's hard to not be involved in absolutely everything ... at least for me it is ... I'm getting better though! I'm not on a single PTO board this coming year.
Happy Mother's Day Jennifer, love ya!
Jenny ... you're a great Mom ... Happy Mother's Day!
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