Lie #80 Pooping is natural

If I have to sit on the toilet and look over at the shower door, or the door frame, or the edge of my toilet paper, or even the floor and see one more poop smear I think I am going to scream. What was God thinking when he decided that human waste should be brown and stinky? And I hate toilet training toddlers. I have stumbled across more stray poops and smears on the carpet than any other person in history. Wanna challenge me? Bring it on. I have my husband and my mother-in-law who will coroborate my claim. In one weeks time, I cleaned up no less than 8 poop SMEARS on my carpet from a certain little boy who thinks the floor is his toilet paper and the closet is his toilet bowl.
Get this: We went to both CiCi's pizza locations twice in a 3 day span - weird and WT, I know...but you are not going to believe what you are about to read. It is absolutely true: My little boy dropped a log right out the bottom of his pants leg in front of the bathroom that my husband then stepped in as he was walking back to our table at the first restaurant. At the second location a few days later, I walk back to the arcade to check on the boys and I am greeted by two of them walking around the corner, one with his pants down to his ankles telling me has to go poop. After a slight and quiet freak out moment, I then go and scan the entire floor of the arcade for any poop droppings and as I am confidently walking out of the arcade to go back to the table, what do I see? That's right, folks-another hunk of that brown stinky waste we call poop. I wanted to die.

Pooping is not a normal or natural thing. It's DISGUSTING! There is a multi-billion dollar industry dedicated to this gross bodily function, for crying out loud! In case anyone is wondering, I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE POOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!