Am I overworked? Maxed out? Streched to the limits? Do I lose track of everything if it's not pinned to my shirt? Do I worry compulsively over every little detail in my life? Yes.
I had a friend call me and say she was thinking of me and felt she needed to tell me that I need to lay off the guilt. How did she know I was feeling guilty? How did she know that I needed to hear just that? I don't ever see her, talk to her or visit with her. However, she is someone I look up to and admire. So, how is it that she knew I desperately needed to hear that? She says she just kept getting the feeling that she had to call me and see how I was doing. It's times like these that I know I have wandered too far from the Lord. When He has to call on others to tell me to slow down and relax then I know I have put my 'I'm not listening-sound cancelling-noise eliminating' earmuffs on.
I am a mother to four young, highly excitable and emotionally charged children. I work full time as a 2nd grade teacher. I am married to a man whose job forgets he has a family and keeps him until 7 o'clock nightly. My house is a wreck and would be destroyed if it were not for my Mother-in-law who keeps my kids and my house. I know she dreads Monday mornings...the mess we made over the weekend. Two of my brood play soccer and have practice and games every week. I failed to do my church calling in Cub Scouts and was released, finally. Then they thought it would be funny to call my husband and myself to teach 11 year old boys every Sunday. We said no thanks for the first time in our lives to a church calling. This was after they went ahead and called us during Sacrament meeting without getting a yes from me. We weren't even there that Sunday because the kids all had strep. We have been to maybe 6 meetings in the past 4 months due to illness and my husband being out of town a few times. It has been a terrible 4 months. We have spent over $1000 in medical co-pays alone so far this year. So, no...I do not want to have the added guilt of having to find a sub every other week because someone's sick or one of my kids decides not to go to class or my baby wants to yell and run in circles instead of sitting on my lap. I have been feeling incredible guilt over this for a while now. So when she called, it was like..."Wow! Someone out there does understand!!!!!"
Is it too much to ask for a little time every week to sit and enjoy 2 hours of little-boy-free time with other adults and just breathe? Just enjoy the Spirit? I'll be ready to serve again in a while. I just need to be served for now. Thank you for reading...love ya! Now I need to run and take care of my kids. See you in another month, hopefully.
