I've been thinking about human nature and there are a lot of different things that have come to mind. First, I hate it when people assume they are smarter than others and then make those others feel inferior to them. I've seen it on Facebook a lot lately in others remarks. Then I wonder, do I do that? The answer is, of course I do. We all do, whether we admit it, or are consciously aware that we even do it is another story. We like to feel good about ourselves. We take cheap pot shots at others and feel like we are funny for doing it. Now a simple correction never bothers me. Those are no big deal. It's the ones that are meant to be hurtful that I'm talking about.
Another thing that has struck a cord with me is gossip. I've always been told that gossip is something I should avoid. Problem is, I like to talk and hear the dirt, the scoop, whatever. It's not because I am a vicious person, or because I want to see others in pain, or hear their heartaches or learn about something stupid they did. It's just interesting to hear some of these things and try to fit yourselves in there somewhere. Am I better than that? Have I been guilty of that? Am I learning about how it feels to be the victim of something I've done to others? We are all also guilty of this as well. I heard about someone who was talking about me. I thought they were a friend. I was floored by the content of their spew. I mean, really floored. I was angry, hurt, dejected, dperessed, furious, belittled, all those nasty feelings we don't want to have. But then after a few days, I thought, have I said something like that about someone else to a friend before? Not realizing how hurtful it was? I'm sure I have at some point. I can be opinionated and mean at times. I try not to be. But we are all guilty of it at one time or another in one form or another. I mean, I can't exactly cast stones here. But the problem is I SO BADLY WANT TO!!!!! That's the biggest problem I am having now. I'm over the anger and I've even come to terms that I have been a bit of a gossip at one time or another myself. If I'm one thing, it's that I'm honest with myself about who and what I am. But I hate that I have this feeling and wanting her to know that I know! I mean, come on!! What good will it do?! Not a bit, is what.
Another issue I've been noticing is the desire we have to know what others are thinking of us. On Facebook, there are these applications, granted some of them don't really work but that's beside the point, where you are able to track who visits your profile and status updates. I am puzzled by this one. I understand the desire to know what people think of you, who's looking at your pictures, etc. But the failure to realize how actually applying these applications might make your friends feel is confusing to me. I mean, privacy should be a big thing for everyone on facebook. My sister-in-law's account was actually hacked into! It's a real problem. But the idea of tracking your friends movements and then making it public knowledge doesn't frighten these people?? The very idea that the clicks I make on my laptop in my living room in CO are being tracked by some of my friends on Facebook and then posted on their walls for all their friends to see makes my stomach turn! It's not so much that they are telling everyone that I like to comment on their status's that bothers me, but the fact that they have the ability to do so! And why would someone actually do that to their friends? Is it a lack of self-esteem? Do they want to feel popular? What's worth invading your friends privacy? Then I wondered, is there another area in my life where I have been guilty of doing this and not known it? Maybe. Does wondering why someone never comments on my posts count? Not so much because I don't make that public. Hmmm, I don't know about this one. I mean, we all want to feel liked and loved and 'popular' or whatever. But I guess some of us go to greater lengths than others.
I guess I'm just ranting a little. I know my grammar is atrocious to some. I know I may sound like I'm waxing philosophical to others, and I know my spelling can be off occasionally. But I really hate it when others try to make themselves feel superior at my expense. And I hate realizing that I may have been guilty of that myself...just makes me feel sad to think I may be guilty of any of the above things. I just want to be a good person and make good choices but do you ever just feel like a big fat loser? Am I this easily dejected by another's words? I know I am unreliable, I know I don't remember people's birthdays, I know I can be lazy sometimes, and I know I fall far short of being perfect. Hell, I'm hardly even decent sometimes. But what I hate the most is that I am so easily deflated by someone else's thoughts of what I am or am not. And I hate that I've made others feel that same way as well. How do you apologize for something that you aren't even aware of but are certain have probably happened? It's one of those catch 22's where you don't know how bad it hurts until it's happened to you. I'm really not saying this to get people to tell me how great I am, although please...feel free! It's just observations in human nature..anyone else see these things?
